Dean Karnazes, author, all-night runner, superhuman

Inspiration on a Tuesday night.


From Ultramarathon Man:

All I need to do is to run from here to there. No ambiguity about it.

"We are at home in our games because it is the only place we know what we are supposed to do." Albert Camus

"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; for he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother. He that outlives this day, and comes safe home, will stand a tiptoe above all others. Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot, but he'll remember, with advantages, what feats he did this day. The story shall the good man teach his son, and forever in their flowing cups will it be remembered; from this day to the ending of the world!" -Henry V

I'd simply put one foot in front of the other and not stop until the finish line. Hopefully.

"What counts in battle is what you do when the pain sets in." - John Short

Celebrate the pain.

"His place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." -Teddy Roosevelt

People who've let their own dreams die become pessimists and cynics.

"Bid me run and I will strive with things impossible." - Shakespeare, Julius Ceasar

If we could just free ourselves from our perceived limitations and tap into our internal fire, the possibilities are endless.


From RUN:

We are all living in cages, with the door wide open.

Monster Dash!

What a day. Miranda and I made to the start with NO TIME to spare. In fact, we peed in the bushes in Grant Park due to a line waaaaay too long ... At the start, dressed as a Walgreens' "sexy pirate lady" (no Luigi costumes left. I am a procrastinator), I felt worried and not exactly ready for this race. Knowing my knee would hurt worried me. Should I even be running this race? Will I do more damage?

The weather was perfect, a tad chilly at first, sunny, no wind. And we were off. I don't wear a watch and decided I didn't want to look at my phone to see my pace. I would just wing it. Start slow, see how I felt. I'm kind of a zen runner. I just go and try hard not to think of pace, even though I do know if I want to get faster I should probably get a watch and actually work on getting faster. The first couple of miles were OK. Miranda and I stayed together which was great, except for when people would say "GO MARIO" and not "GO SEXY PIRATE LADY." The course was a little sketchy, uneven, potholes, etc., but running along the lake was gorgeous. I hit my stride around mile 5, which always happens (thank god), and breezed through miles 6-9. At this point I changed my music from The Beatles, to hair metal. I love me some Motley Crue when I'm running.

I found myself surprised by how good I still felt. I ate a Stinger Waffle. I am in love with them now.

I've felt pretty awful for my last few 1/2s. Hot weather is simply hell for me, and SUNNY, hot weather crushes me. Running a half in Oct. is way way way way better than running a half in August and June. Lesson learned.

Miles 10 and 11 were a bit rough, but I knew I was closer with each step. I managed to finish strong, and as soon as I crossed the finish line and stopped running, my knee gave out and I almost fell to the ground (reminder: GO TO THE DOC). Bill and Zak, my marathoner friends, ran too and I met up with them and then Miranda joined us. I was never so happy in my life to see a cheese stick in the post race food bag. Mmmmmmmm. Miranda got a PR and I was so so happy for her. She's an inspiration!

Bill was a great blue man.


I reunited with a friend I hadn't seen for years who rocked the half. Way to go, Ashley!

Soon after we found beer.

I'm so happy Miranda came out for the race. I felt strong. I felt good. I had a blast with my good friends. Success. Thank you running gods :)

Time: 2:21:31. Better than my last. I'll take it.

7 half marathons in one year. Check!

I forgot something ..

As I was sitting here reading Meggie's blog I realized I had an amazing running experience that is too unforgettable not to mention. On Oct 9, 2011 I watched my first marathon. I ran the race in 2009, but have never actually cheered on runners during a marathon, or a half, for that matter. My coworker and good friend, Bill, and his boyfriend Zak were running and I was super charged to see them, cheer them on, and bring them pretzels . . Bill's one request. They trained with the Team to End AIDS, which is the group I trained with in 09 for the Chicago Marathon (then called the AIDS Marathon Training Program). I woke up early and took the train to the Addison stop on the red line, then walked to Addison and Broadway (between mile 7 and 8). It was a tad chilly, but bright and sunny, and I was super charged up to see the elite runners. Unsure if I was early enough, I ran until I saw no runners had passed yet. Phew! I needed to see those fast guys! I needed to see Ryan Hall! And see them I did. Wow, they are fast. I began cheering and didn't stop for 2 hours. I saw people with their names on their shirts and cheered for them by name. Their smiles and thumbs up were so exciting for me because I am pretty sure one of the main reasons I finished the race in 09 was because of all the people cheering for me. Hearing "GO JAMIE" on every street, in every neighborhood, over and over again never got old. Around the 4:30 pace I started looking for Bill and Zak. I was so worried they would be running on the other side of the street and I would be unable to give them their pretzels. After searching and searching for every runner with a red shirt, I finally recognized the runner right in front of my face as Zak! I called his name. He looked at me and screamed. Bill was right behind Zak. I hugged him, cheered, threw him pretzels, and told him he was amazing. What a relief. I didn't miss him.

At this point I thought about maybe heading back home, but I was hypnotized. BY EVERY RUNNER. I got teary. I saw large people, small people, fast people, slower people, older, younger. I called people's names and high-fived a few. I cried a little. I felt a deep appreciation for humanity and respect for people who work hard, fight, push themselves, and have audacious goals. I could see how life changing this race was for many, many of the runners and it overwhelmed me. Cheering and supporting complete strangers just felt so therapeutic, so purely good. I stayed until the end, when the police cars drove through, and then I stayed for a few more runners still pushing on behind the cars. It was enriching and I am glad I have finally felt the other side of a race.

Bill and Zak finished together at 4:48. They are marathoners now. Way to go, guys!

Things I haven't told you about ...

So, I ran the Chicago Half Marathon on 9/11/11. It was hot, not as hot as the black flagged 1/2 in Chicago in June, but still hot. I didn't really enjoy it that much. I just wanted to get it over with. Time: 2:24:36. Afterward, I felt good and appreciated the 9/11 commemorative touches, but it just felt a tad lonely and I didn't feel strong. There was a man standing in line with me to get my second medal (Chicago Challenge: running the 13.1 in June and the Chicago Half on 9/11). We stood and chatted a bit for about 15 minutes and as we neared the front of the line he just staggered randomly away from the line and then collapsed. I ran to get help and the man was sitting in a chair, coherent and with a medic when I walked away 5 minutes later. This just reminded me that what I have been doing is extremely strenuous and I need to listen to my body. I tend to minimize things, but completing 7 1/2 marathons in a year is a big deal (including the one I hope to finish tomorrow, Chicago Monster Dash, more on that later).

I need to get something checked out. I have a pain behind my right knee, on the inside side of my leg. It seems to be the tendon/ligament fleshy part back there. This has hurt for a few weeks and gives me a feeling of instability when I'm walking, but doesn't cause too many issues when I'm actually running. It does tighten up during long runs and remains sore for a few days following. I know I need to see a doctor. Any pain that lasts for longer than 2-3 days after a run should be checked out. I'm making a possibly stupid decision and running this race tomorrow and then making an appointment.

About the race tomorrow . . my wonderful friend Miranda is currently on a plane to Chicago to run this race with me. I can hardly contain my excitement! We started this journey together with the Monumental 1/2 in Indy last Nov. Her second trip east, coming from Boise, ID, means that the next trip is mine to make :) Is there a half in Las Vegas? CA? Washington? Oregon? We had planned to dress up as Mario and Luigi, but my procrastination has caused me to be costume-less still the day before the race. Let's hope the KMART I check this evening has what I need. I've been battling a cold and had a possible low grade fever last night. This isn't good, obviously. I don't expect to run quickly tomorrow. I just hope I don't wake up at 7am tomorrow with chills, body aches, etc.

Will report back from Chicago's Monster Dash. Then, I need to consider what's next, hopefully, not a long hiatus due to injury.

Dear Non Runner

Dear Non Runner,

Yes, sometimes I run for over 2 hours straight, just because, mainly because I can. I think about how many people out there can't do that and it makes me feel strong, like I can face all the other things in life that are worse than running for over 2 hours straight. Yes, it hurts. It always hurts, but I keep doing it.

I run for people who don't know I'm running for them. I run for my niece who has a physical disability. I run for my friend with lupus who lives in constant pain. I run for my 86 year old grandmother with severe arthritis. Running is a way for me to say thank you to God for blessing me with a strong, healthy body.

Running helps me forget and move forward. While running I can escape from my mind, my obsessions, my depression, my anger, my hurt, my loneliness, my indecision, my anxiety, my negative thoughts, my over analyzing, my what ifs, my unanswered questions. Not always, but often enough that it makes a difference.

I know you think it's crazy, running 5 1/2 marathons in 6 months, having to get up at 4 am on race day, running 10 miles on a treadmill, trying out an indoor 1/2 and actually enjoying running 48 laps in a circle without headphones. But I think you're crazy too. We're all crazy. I'm just crazy about running.

Signed:

The Runner

Changes. Progress.

So much. May and June have been rather nuts. Moving, finishing the school year, trying not to kill any students/coworkers, moving (it took me weeks to actually finish the move), preparing for school in Rouen, nap-taking . . you know, stressful things.


So, I ran the Soldier Field 10 miler as a training run before the June 13.1 in Chicago. The weather was great that day, overcast, slightly cool, not overly humid. We ran 5 miles south on Lake Shore and the lakefront path and 5 miles back north. Since KZoo was so awful, I tried to use this race to lift my spirits and prove to myself I could conquer it feeling strong. My mantra was "fight" for this race and I used that to keep the pace for the last 5. I tried to save myself and finish strong. I ran the whole thing, felt good and put KZoo behind me. And finishing on the field with my face on the jumbotron was pretty cool.

pace: 10:34
time: 1:45:47

All in all, it was a great race followed by seeing family in IN, drinking beer, eating oysters, steak, etc.


Then . . . a week later. Chicago 13.1 June 4, 2011. The day started with sunscreen, heat, sunshine, fear, and the promise of miles and miles of more of the same (sans sunscreen since it was all sweated off by mile .5). The weather said it would be 80+ and although that sounded hot to me, I had no idea by mile 1.5 I would feel like my skin was boiling off of my body. I thought I would be just charred bones running along by the end. It was so DAMN hot I thought my lungs were sucking in air from a steam room. At about mile 3 I thought . . "why am I running? there are people over there in little cars who could take me back to the start if I just moved over to the side and fell over . . even if I did it on purpose." I kept going. I walked the water stops. I alternated walking and running. Before the race I had had a random conversation with a man who told me he had won the Soldier Field 10 miler (he ended up winning the 13.1 too with a time of 01:09:50. Moses Waweru). He talked about selling cars in Madison, WI and asked about how I trained and what there was to do in Chicago after a race (I said eat pizza and drink beer). So, I was about 5.5 miles in when I saw him on his return. I thought . . WOW! I know him! We have something in common! We are runners in the same race! It's wonderful to remember how we are all mortals . . even those who run a mile in under 5 min. So, ice towels at mile 6.5 were glorious. I was drinking more water than I ever have during a race. I pitched my headphones because they were cumbersome and annoying and I needed all my mental energy to focus on the task at hand. I couldn't listen to anything; it was too distracting. Everyone walked. Even those people who looked like super top runners walked. Heat was the great equilizer. At mile 10 we got the word the race had been red-flagged (clocks stopped, no times). At mile 11 the word came the race was black-flagged (cops forced us to walk). At this point everyone just relaxed and checked on the people around them. I met a lovely woman who I ran the last mile with; we ignored the cops. It was nice to chat about the day, the challenge, the brutality of running in heat when you hadn't trained in it at all.

If my time was correct I finished in 2:42:36 with a pace of 12:31. Of the people who started, only129 officially finished before the clocks were stopped. I learned the next day that a 26 year old physical therapist was taken to the hospital and later died. That just seems incomprehensible to me, so sad. I also wondered how a person that age could run to the point, push themselves to the point where they would be taken to a hospital and die. So sad. And a reminder to always stop when it's too much.


Even with the challenge and not finishing "officially" this race was sorta zen and peaceful. I saw myself as a fighter along side fellow runners (I never used to consider myself a runner, even when I was running frequently). I saw that all races are different animals with unexpected twists and turns. I felt like .... DAMN it's nice to wake up before dawn and run a long race on a Saturday in my beautiful city.


I thought I'd feel relieved to finish what I consider my first season as a half marathon fanatic (5 since Nov), but I just wanted to run another : ) I'll have to wait until Sept. Sept 11 to be precise. Chicago once again. I'm already ready to tear it up!


Another example of my landslide of a mind shift . . . I ran a 10K last weekend and it was humid and semi-brutal but still felt short. 6.2=short. Ha. Hahaha. I love progress.

10K time: 1:03:45
pace: 10:15


Shout out to my amazing friend Miranda for finishing her second 1/2! Knocked off 9 min from her first. WAY TO GO!! I love traveling through this running adventure with you, my friend!

By the way, I'm writing this in the Dublin airport waiting for my flight to Paris. Let's see what the runs are like this summer in Rouen. I think I ran twice last summer .....

Kzoo destroyed me

Kalamazoo. Half. Marathon. May 8, 2011.

So, it's been a week. It seems longer than that. I wonder why.

This race killed me. It was by far the hardest of my 4 1/2s so far. The day started a bit cool, but sunny with temps climbing close to 60 before the race was over. I felt excited and nervous, like always. I don't think my head was in the race like it should have been. I wasn't using my normal thinking. I was seeing the whole race and not just 1 mile at a time. I was thinking PR! PR! Run faster than in NYC. Bad move.

I started out feeling good, but I had little idea what my pace was for the first 3 miles. I had my phone keeping track, but I didn't check it and I know it can be unreliable at times. At mile 3 I wanted to die. I had a pain in my chest and stomach cramps on each side of my midsection. My mind was screaming "WALK!" But it was only mile 3! At that point I threw out the PR dream and just decided I needed to finish. Just finish.

Things didn't get much better. The chest pain subsided some, but the stomach cramps stayed most of the race. Everything was driving me nuts. The shirt I was wearing didn't fit right. The sun was too bright. I didn't have sunglasses. My shoe laces felt too tight. I couldn't even enjoy my music because I was annoyed by everything. I walked some. The only thing I enjoyed was the feel of the wind hitting me. I tried to concentrate on that. "The wind feels good, the wind feels good." At mile 10 I sent my Dad a text that said "Kill me now." During the last mile there was a pretty intense hill and a man screaming, "You are stronger than this hill." I loved hearing that. It also made me think, "I am stronger than this race." I will finish this race. This race will not beat me. I never actually considered I would have to drop out of the race, but it did feel like the race was beating the hell out of me most of the time. I felt chewed up and spat out and stepped on.

So, I finished with a little kick at the end, found my Mom waiting for me, and enjoyed lying on the soft green spring grass for awhile. Needless to say, I was glad it was over. And after looking back at my pace I saw that what had happened was I ran with the speed of possessed demon for the first 3 miles. TOOOOO FAST! This is probably because the last 2 5Ks I have run I've just gunned it and maybe I was used to being faster, but I failed to remember one of the first running lessons I had ever learned . . start slow. This race was not a 5K. Oops. Lessen learned . . again.

My time was amazingly only a couple minutes slower than in NYC. 2:17:48. pace: 10:31


After this race I felt a pretty extreme let down too, and not because it was a hard race and I didn't feel as strong as I had wanted. I just felt down. I felt kind of empty. I think some of this is because I always run these races alone (except Indy). Even though my parents are super supportive it still would be nice to run with people who know exactly what the race feels like. I'm trying to cultivate more running friendships . . more on that later. I also will be doing my best to run a race with the remarkable Miranda McDannel this fall!

So, I fought Kzoo . . and I won (barely). Good lessons learned. Moving forward.

Holy Monday Night.

Bad runs. Awful runs. That has been the story for a week or so. And I have the Kalamazoo 1/2 this weekend and I was nervous. I tried to run 10 on Sunday night and made it less than 3. Instead of getting too down on myself I just decided I'd try again on Monday. I've been reading Kara Goucher's Running for Women and I have enjoyed it so far. As she advises in the book, I said to myself out loud on the way to the gym, "Tonight I will run 30 min and see how I feel." (Knowing I'd try for more if I could). Saying this out loud made it more real and not just an idea in my head. I like that. Other things I should say at times: "Tonight I will run for 20 minutes only." "Today I will get out and have a fun run." Declaring what I intend to do seems motivating for me.

So, I made it 30 minutes and kept going. Here are my stats for the first 5:

Time: 55:01
Pace: 10:59
Calories: 656

The first 5 miles were not easy. It always seems mile 3-5 are killer for me, but I powered through, then got off the treadmill, went to the bathroom, ate a Gu gel, had some water and got back on . . .

My second 5 miles were easier than the first. I was listening to some old school Fall Out Boy which I haven't heard in a long time and it totally carried me through the first 3 miles.  After that I watched the Lakers game. I love basketball games when I run at the gym. I've kind of become a Lakers fan since their games are on late when I'm at the gym. The last 2 miles were a bit more challenging, and for the last 1/2 mile I was saying the word "fight" to myself (maybe even audibly, I'm not sure).

Second 5:

Time: 53:33
Pace: 10:42/mile
Calories: 654

So, I ran the second 5 faster than the first, but the coolest part was looking back at the 10 miles I did before the NYC 1/2. I ran the first 5 with a 11:04 pace and the second 5 with a 11:25 pace. I ran last night's 10 faster which makes me SUPER happy. I ended up running NYC in 2:15 and I don't want to get my hopes up, but maybe Kalamazoo will be faster. Although I know a bunch of things could possibly get in the way on race day: rest, weather, hydration, heat, stress, etc.

Lesson learned: running 10 miles from 9-11pm at night makes getting to work on time the next day close to impossible. I was 40 min late today. I am sort of feigning an illness, when really I just have a running "hangover." Waaaaaaay better than a real hangover (or a real illness).

Spring Break

4 runs this week. Wow. wow. wow. Good things. I started the week off with The Race to Wrigley where I managed to run a 9:27 pace (PR!!) which shocked me. I was sick so it made sense that I wanted the race to be over quickly. I didn't actually think the time was correct.

Took a couple of days off to relax and hopefully get over this cough and cold. On Wednesday I ran another 5K at the gym and rowed for 15 minutes afterward. Thursday I ran an hour and made it 5.38 miles. I was extremely happy with that . . thinking about how the Kalamazoo 1/2 in about 2 weeks and I need to cover miles. 5.38 is moving in the right direction. My cold wasn't gone and I definitely felt it in my lungs, but I powered through.

Then yesterday I ran the Race for the Cheetah at Montrose Harbor. It was a gorgeous day, running a long the lake, cool breeze, sun peaking through the clouds, felt like spring . . . ran the first mile at a 9:00 pace and finished in 28:35 at 9:13/mile (new PR!!). I DIDN'T think it was EVEN POSSIBLE for me to run that quickly. I am thrilled.

And this week a book really helped me understand a few things about running I hadn't considered in depth before. Ultramarathon Man, Confessions of an All-Night Runner by Dean Karnazes. I'm going to post some of the ideas and quotes in my next post that resonated with me. The funny thing is that I've owned that book for over a year and hadn't read it yet. I picked it up on Monday and read it in a day.

I also got new shoes. It was an eventful runner's week. I'm happy.

Cold.

I have a chest cold, but made it 3 miles last night. Here are the stats:

32:50
3.01
10:54/mile

I definitely felt it in my lungs, but tried to pick up the pace a couple of times. My legs felt strong though and that helped. I have a 5K this weekend and I hope the cold/congestion is better by then. Even with a slight cold I am zapped of energy during runs. It felt good to get back into it again though.

Here we go . .

So, I was thinking about signing up for a race in Minneapolis but then figured in the cost of the race, travel, a place to stay, etc., and decided to just sign up for the 13.1 in Chicago on June 4th. BUT! Then they tempted me with this Chicago Challenge idea. The challenge? Run another half Sept 11. Not too bad as challenges go. One in June and one in Sept. That's my habit these days anyway. Now if it would have been run a half June 4 AND then 5 (how you folks did the Goofy Challenge is BEYOND my grasp :) ) well, that would be a true challenge, but I can dig a June/Sept challenge. So, I now have three 1/2s scheduled (Kalamazoo May 8th, 13.1 in Chicago June 4th, and the Chicago Half Sept. 11). Also I have 2 5Ks, one next weekend and another in May to support brain cancer and a friend who lost her brother-in-law to the disease.

My biggest fear when thinking of these races . . the Devil Sun. The sun is my nemesis as a runner and on June 4 it's bound to be an issue. I'd rather run a 1/2 in the middle of the night than run with the sun hitting me. Odd considering how much I adore the sun the rest of the time. Seriously, as a runner, sunshine seems to be my kryptonite. Can I change this? 

The Big Apple . .

NEW YORK. NEW YORK.

So, this race was amazing. Brilliant. Chilly in the AM, warm and sunny by the finish. 8 miles in Central Park. Then Times Square. Finish in Battery Park. See the Statue of Liberty just past the finish. The whole trip was epic and much needed. Spent a day at the Guggenheim and The Whitney. Sparks Steakhouse and the best steak of my life. Out drinking beers with my Dad until 2am two nights before the race. Extreme fear and mild panic the day before the race. Then I ran faster than I've ever ran before. 10:21 pace. Finished in 2:15:32 (I think). This AMAZED me. My Indy pace was 11:01 in Nov. I rocked those hills in CP because I kept thinking . . if I run FAST this damn hill will be over faster. And I was right. My Dad saw me at mile 2 and mile 8 and then again at the finish. After the race we ate another beyond words dinner at Babbo (4 1/2 hours of food and wine). New York is so familiar and comfortable to me, kinda like coming home in a way. It's because I've traveled to NYC more times than I've traveled anywhere else in my life. It smells the same, feels the same, and I take comfort that it probably always will. So, I was amazed, happy, proud and relieved after the race. I love NYC.

I'm now better at not feeling like shit after I finish a race. And I don't mean physically, I mean mentally. I find ways to make myself feel like shit . . for not running harder or faster or for not training as much as I should have. I feel proud about a race for about 36 hours before I find something to judge negatively. BUT! I'm getting better at this. (kinda).

Now it's back to Jamie the lazy non-runner. I've had a couple of lame, lackluster runs lately and another half is around the corner (May 8, Kalamazoo). I desperately (sometimes) want to be one of those super motivated people who runs before work or who commits to a running schedule for the week. I can't do that. So, now I have 4 weeks to try to get better, but I'm not even in good shape now since I directed a musical that was in production and didn't run at all. Running is supposed to make me feel good, but I spend way too much time feeling shitty about it. Why is that??

As someone said in Runner's World this month . . "don't think, just run. when in doubt, just lace up your shoes and run." or something like that ... and yes, I agree, but my head still gets in the way sometimes.

10 miles in March

So, ran 10 miles yesterday. It wasn't all that easy. My lungs struggled and that's not normal for me. My Dad reminded me that I was sick this week and maybe he's right about my body not being 100% yet . . or maybe I've just totally under-trained for this race I have in less than a week (this is true). I just get so damn tired from work and directing this year's musical (Guys and Dolls) running became a chore. I also tend to hibernate in the winter and that gets in the way of running. Chicago in the winter = sleep, beer, laziness, weight gain, etc. However, trying to think positive . . and running these races has certainly kept me active this winter (goal achieved).

Breakdown:

First 5:

55:27
5.01 miles
11:04/mile

Second 5:

57:13
5.01 miles
11:25/mile

NYC 1/2 in less than a week . . .

I'm Baaaack.

So, I had Indy in November. Then I ran the Icebreaker Indoor in Milwaukee in January. Now I'm getting ready for New York City next week. I've noticed this damn blog writing (whether anyone reads it or not) keeps me muuuuuucho more accountable. Logging runs, posting times, writing up good and bad runs, etc. really helped me. I'm not an organized person, or a particularly disciplined person all the time. I don't keep track of numbers well or speed or anything really related to my running. And my list of reasons for not running can be long: sleep, work, directing a musical, holidays, travel, food, hockey, books, weather . . basically everything can be an excuse for not running. But, I still manage to run with some regularity. Since November I've managed 2 1/2 marathons and I'm about run a third. I'd like to be more consistent though. I'd like to cross-train more. I'd like to keep some kind of a record of runs, times, etc. Sooooo . . here I am again.