Not running.

So .... I ran 7 half marathons between November 2010 and October 2011. Then, I became a sloth. At first I felt a rest was needed. I had a slight pain behind my left knee that worried me and I knew taking a break would be the best thing for it. Then, other "things" got in the way ... Let's see, can I use the holidays as an excuse for being a sloth? Can I blame it on chilly weather? Work? Needing time to shut down a little and recharge? At the end of December I was looking forward to having two weeks off for a plethora of reasons, including having time to get to the gym. I prefer running inside in the winter and don't mind the treadmill at all. BUT. I don't think I went to the gym once during those two weeks. So, 2012 began. I hadn't worked out in 2 months. A new year! Fresh start! I don't tend to make New Year's resolutions, but I thought I'd get my act together and run.

At some point I signed up for another half in Chicago on April 1st. I calculated I would have plenty of time to train well (I tend to haphazardly train). I would set out a plan. I would cross-train. I'd run intervals. I'd do fartleks! I'd have these existential long runs where I would glide like a gazelle and conquer all despair, boredom, angst, and unexpected challenges that presented themselves. In other words, I would be superhuman runner Jamie.

That didn't exactly happen.

I thought about joining a gym within walking distance of my apartment. Maybe I'd get there more often? I checked it out and liked my current gym much better. I thought about signing up for some January/February 5K races. It's cold. I don't like cold. Why would I want to run outside in the cold and possible snow? I thought about making a schedule. I don't do schedules. I'm a zen runner. (Yes, I know this is semi crap and more excuse-making).

So, now it's March 6. I've run some. I made it 4 miles a couple of times. I've had a several 3 mile runs. I've lifted weights (twice?). I've pushed through that How-can-I-be-this-out-of-shape? feeling, although I've probably regained that feeling again at this point. And this weekend instead of working out Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday (day off work) like I wanted to, I sat . . . and slept. and ate. I had a burger the size of a small country. I had pizza twice. I think I had ice cream at some point. I drank beer. And I weighed myself this morning. I am two pounds shy of the most I've ever weighed as an adult. MY LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES. Ahhhhh.

Runner's World arrived this weekend and it's sitting on the table mocking me. I don't want to pick it up. All those people are runners. They are dedicated. They ACTUALLY RUN. I sit. I nap. I eat Cadbury eggs and Sweetarts. I am sloth-like.

I get emails constantly for races. Come run the Madison Mini Marathon! Run the Shamrock Shuffle! I can feel the emails secretly laughing at me. "Haha, you call yourself a runner! You feel like crap! You couldn't really run these races. Hahaha." Plus, it doesn't help that this past weekend was the one year anniversary of my half marathon PR in New York City. I had visions of breaking that record in April. I was going to work hard!

So, here I sit, knowing I'm not in the worst shape of my entire life, but not nearly as fit I was a year ago or as strong as I had hoped to be by March of 2012. I was sucked into the semi sedentary world of TV watching, snack eating, all day pijama wearing, and nap taking. Yes, all of those things are fine as long as I'm still running, but I haven't been. And I hate how it has made me feel.

Not running + sedentary lifestyle = I feel awful. Time to climb out of that hole. How do I do that?

One run at a time, I guess.